Creating Healthy Boundaries

Welcome back!  This blog comes as a result of many clinic conversations in the past few weeks with quite a few of my patients who have been experiencing an emergence of understanding what makes them tick - or more importantly what has been making them sick.

It has nothing to do with diet, supplementation, hydration or constipation - well not directly that is.  It is  relates to setting healthy boundaries with the doses of people - and in particular 'toxic' people - you take.  Some of your family, friends and business acquaintances may be well meaning, well intended and reliable - they aren't usually the ones you come away from feeling out of balance, drained or ill at ease.  It is the ones who leave you feeling like you have given a limb to but with no hope of having it returned in tact.  These are those people that you may need to put on notice for your time and energy.  If you don't work these out along the way, you may find yourself dosing up on useless nutrients and programs that simply cannot fight your internal turmoil.

From time to time we come across certain personalities that draw us into their world in a flurry of colour and movement, fast talk and side walk - a kind of smoke and mirrors routine used to mask an agenda at the forefront of their mind to elevate themselves at the cost of others around them.  Some call this style of person a sociopath.  Sociopathic behavior can be quite hard to miss in the early phases of getting to know a new person, but suffice it to say, there are a couple tell tale signs that may herald you have potentially met some one who you will need to vigilant in your boundaries around.  Sociopathic people also tend to target empathic people (sensitive, kind, caring, yielding and generous) - but it is the empath who really needs to take charge in this relationship!

Here are some indications you may be in the presence of a potential toxic person:

1.  They are commonly loud and over bearing in your conversations

2.  There is usually little room for your input or version of the story from your point of view

3.  On first meeting, they are your instant best friend'- until you need something from them.

4.  If your friendship developed, you find yourself answering the call their woes and worries and not able to have yours heard from them (they are too busy, too tired, too sick... you get the picture)

5.  If you are in relationship, they are usually the partner that talks 'down' to the other, and won't listen to reason even if they are blatantly responsible for the issue - sociopaths are manipulative in relationships and friendships.

6.  There is a common thread of 'me' talk rather than ýou' talk in a conversation, or they are aware to use this language, it doesn't stay ýou' talk for long enough to get your side heard.

7.  They are otherwise known as bullies in the school ground or workplace

8.  Their emotional responses are shallow, cry crocodile tears or 'well timed' tears

9.  Often the feelings of shame, guilt or remorse are absent or feigned - you can feel if it isn't authentic

10.  Pathological lying, parasitic lifestyle choices and unrealistic life plans are common behavioral traits you may also see.

Essentially, the sociopathic person is a person in great pain - imagine having to keep all of this up each day - it would be exhausting wouldn't it?  That's why they will need someone to feed from - just don't let it be you!

If you find yourself in this style of relationship or friendship/partnership - the best thing you can do is to start working on those boundaries, supply yourself some home truths about your situation and nourish yourself well with good eating and exercise - you will need to bring the warrior out in you to tame the wild thing in front of you!

Remember - do it lovingly, truthfully and with integrity - after all - it is what makes you empaths so attractive in the first place!

 

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